Academy Awards Diary

On Friday you saw my reviews of the seven of the nine films nominated for
Best Picture. It was my list and I am sticking to it. I have read that
“The Artist” is the movie to beat at the Oscars, however, the same
people thought “The Tree of Life” was a great film, and if you read
this blog on Friday, you know that my thoughts on that movie is quite the
opposite. So tonight is Oscar’s night, I really enjoy this event. It allows my
wife and me to keep up with a tradition of going to the movies. It allows us to
make a list of other movies to watch and broaden our horizons. However, the
show goes too long and this diary may not make it to the show’s completion, but
I will try anyway. “And the Oscar goes to….”

 8:05p.m. – Wife is putting
daughter to bed and I am charged with getting the TV ready. 3D shoots! He
Scores!

8:11 p.m. – For you Oscar
rookies, they don’t start at 7p.m. A few years ago ABC took the ratings away
from E! and Joan Rivers interviewing all the actors on the Red Carpet. Robin
Roberts is interviewing George Clooney and Stacey Kiebler. Wasn’t she a pro
wrestler?

8:16 p.m. – There is a Busy
Phillips sighting. She walks in with Michelle Williams, those Dawson’s Creek
roots run deep. It scored Phillips air time on the red carpet. Is anyone
surprised that Michelle Williams is the best actor to come out of that show?

8:24 p.m. – I am glad we got the
Director of the Oscar’s perspective of what is going to happen. Plus, Chris
Rock needs to lose the Fro.

8:30 p.m. – From Electric Company
to opening the Oscars, Morgan Freeman is the man.

8:36 p.m. – Billy Crystal is too
short for a Tuxedo with tails.

8:37 p.m. – Billy is making fun
James Earl Jones voice. Seriously?

8:43 p.m. – First prediction
correct, Hugo wins for Best Cinematography. Tree of Life was nominated and
lost. Seriously, if Tree of Life wins anything I will throw up in my mouth.

8:45 p.m. – Hugo 2-2. Best Art
Direction. If the next award is Best Picture it will be Hugo. Everyone who is
involved in making this movie seems to be 80 years and need to make it to the
Blue Plate after parties.

8:54 p.m. – Did someone let J-Lo
know that her breasts are showing? On another note Billy Crystal’s jokes are
seriously bombing. The tally right now is two bad jokes about the Kodak
bankruptcy and their wish to get out of naming rights.

8:58 p.m. – Somebody who can make
anyone look like Margaret Thatcher deserves an Oscar.

9:09 p.m. do you think the
Iranian movie won Best Foreign Film to ease tensions and bring the price of oil
down?

9:12 p.m. – Another prediction
correct Octavia Spencer for “The Help”. She crapped in a pie for that
trophy. I know someone who once crapped in a box as a practical joke.

9:22 p.m. – Mr. Razor meet Mr.
Cooper. Bradley Cooper must have finished last in his Fantasy Football league.
Only 10 people got that joke. I am kind of like Billy Crystal.

9:41 p.m. – Robert Downey Jr. was
just caught Tebowing

9:45 p.m. – Chris Rock really
needs to lose the fro.

9:55 p.m. – I have to be quite
honest, these Oscars are killing me. Nobody is funny which makes for a long
night. Next year they need either Ricky Gervais, Charlie Sheen or Newt Gingrich
to be the hosts and give them all creative control.

9:57 p.m. – Number 4 for Hugo

9:58 p.m. – Bets on Melissa Leo
swearing this year????

10:16 p.m. – Will Farrell and
Zach Galifianakis….this is going to be good.

10:25 p.m. – Angelina is showing
some leg. Brad is in the front row so he will kick your ass.

10:27 p.m. – The Descendants gets
their first win. I thought that movie was done very well. Do you think George
Clooney was conflicted being nominate in one and starring in the other?

10:30 p.m. – The Oscars should
make the awards like a meat raffle. You must be present to win. That is BS that
Woody Allen was not there.

10:34 p.m. – My wife just brought
to my attention that John Williams had 40% of the nominations for Best Original
Score and still lost. That is the kind of night it has been for Hugo.

10:39 p.m. – Some good phallic
talk for Short Film presentations. Where are these movies played? Are they part
of the Halftime show at the Super Bowl or are they the ad space corporations
pay millions of dollars for.

10:45 p.m. – Animated Shorts?
Isn’t that what we used to watch on Saturday mornings, religiously?

10:50 p.m. – Final Four people!
My picks are Clooney, Davis, The Descendants and Scorsese (no drinking please)

10:52 p.m. – First shock of the
Night! Hazanavicius wins best Director. It may not have been a shock had I
actually seen “The Artist”.

10:56 p.m. – Here is a
suggestion. Next year let’s cut the Red Carpet by 30 minutes and start the
actual show at 8 p.m. and we are done by 11 p.m. The Governor’s Award crap 4
minutes before 11 is just stupid. Just saying.

11:05 p.m. – The annual tribute
to people that the Academy has lost this past year. It is always a great
tribute and there is always someone that you don’t realize or forgot has passed
(i.e. Peter Falk).

11:07 p.m. – For the record,
Whitney Houston died in 2012 not 2011.

11:16 p.m. – I didn’t realize,
Esteban Reyes from Weeds is nominated for Best Actor. Looks like he upgraded
from Mexican drug lord.

11:18 p.m. – 0-2 on my final
four. Should have seen The Artist.

11:22 p.m. – These JC Penney adds
with Ellen DeGeneres are dumb after the first one. Maybe just in general. I
know I am just babbling now, but they have only given out two awards in the
last 32 minutes. See my problem here now?

11:27 p.m. – Bradley Cooper
really needs to shave.

11:29 p.m. – Meryl wins Best
Actress. I know I didn’t pick her but I truly believed she was going to win. I
wanted to see Viola Davis win because it is someone different. Meryl’s best
role is still Miranda Priestly in “The Devil Wears Prada”

11:32 p.m. – Thank God no
commercial between Best Actress and Best Picture. Now we have Tom Cruise to
listen to. Baby Steps.

11:35 p.m. – “The
Artist” wins the Best Picture Oscar. I didn’t see it, I have no comment
and can’t make the claim that it didn’t deserve.

I made it through the entire Oscars and to be honest it was very painful.
Billy Crystal missed the ball on this one and the Academy needs to get someone
else next year. I know he was a fill in for Eddie Murphy, but still. However,
the one shining light on this evening was that “The Tree of Life”
didn’t win anything, Thank God.

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